Color, 1980, 88m.
Directed by Walter Boos
Starring Katja Bienert, Manuela Kohlhofer, Sylvia Engelmann, Renate Langer, Helena Rosenkranz, Tonio von der Meden
Impulse Pictures (US R0 NTSC) / WS (1.66:1) (16:9), Kinowelt (Germany R2 PAL) / WS (1.66:1)

Schoolgirl Report 13

It seems fitting that the most popular German sex comedy series of the 1970s, born in the very first year of that decade, would Schoolgirl Report 13complete its final installment at its close. The Schoolgirl Report string of films went through several changes during its thirteen-film run, shifting directors and actors as its format changed from "man on the street" interviews to increasingly unlikely fictional settings to frame each anthology looking at the sexual issues facing West German adolescent females of every personality and persuasion imaginable.

This time the framing device takes place in a high school theater where the drama teacher isn't impressed by his young actors' delivery of the famous balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet. Maybe it has something to do with Juliet's ridiculously skimpy hot pants, but in any case, he and all of the cast sit around talking about the relationship between sex and love to help them get a better grasp on the material. In our first tale Irina, a Greek immigrant, is pressured by her klepto friend (who swipes everything from scarves to black panties) to try a little petty theft. Unfortunately her decision to swipe a dress gets her into big trouble involving sexual blackmail, an ill-fated tryst with her childhood friend Niko, and a murder investigation thanks to a dead body on the floor. Next up we have the saga of Achim and his buddies, who place a bet they can score with their female classmates and snag their panties as evidence. However, one girl named Jana doesn't take too kindly to the wager and sets up her own scheme to get even thanks to the help of her grandmother, a balcony, and some unusual undergarments. Weirdly, there's no actual sex in this story, which makes you wonder what it has to do with the main framing device.

Things take a darker Schoolgirl Report 13turn as we meet Dani, a young teen alcoholic who's been hitting the bottle since her dad's suicide. When lothario cousin Stefan comes for a visit from India, she falls head over heels and decides to quit cold turkey, but the revelation of his real nature sends her spiraling into degradation, thievery and prostitution. Up next, three girls planning a night of first-time sex embark on a quest to get condoms after lying about being on the pill. As it turns out, the three guys they're planning to bed are just as inexperienced, which leads to a wacky string of hijinks in a barn with a pair of peeping senior citizens along for the ride. And last of all, the arrival of a young French girl named Claudie Schoolgirl Report 13causes pandemonium in the lives of two boys whose regular girlfriends don't take kindly to the deception she inspires. It's basically a sitcom-style with races in an out of restaurants, confused identities, naked sunbathing, scantily-clad sundae eating, catfighting in a lake, and a teen nightclub called the Cheetah.

Complete with thumping late-period Euro disco music, glaringly colorful outfits including more than a few leotards, and a bevy of actresses just beginning to tease hints of the new wave look that would define the '80s, this one's still plenty of fun and makes one wonder what the series might have looked like had it survived long enough to see the fall of the Berlin Wall. Most of the stories feel like variations on past ones, of course, apart from that alcoholism one that plays more like a despairing made-for-TV movie. It's odd that the film closes with its longest, most rambling, and weakest segment, which really doesn't have much of a point and slams the door shut with a very abrupt ending that ignores the whole stage performance connecting device entirely. However, if you've stuck with the series this long, it makes for a fun, frothy, skin-filled conclusion. Trash film fans will also get a particular kick out of the first story since Irina is played by Katja Bienert, the striking star of Jess Franco films ranging from Linda to Killer Barbys vs. Dracula.

The DVD history of this film mirrors all of its predecessors, with a German-only DVD from Kinowelt the only option for years for this one (whose alternate English-language titles during its sparse theatrical play included Making Out and Sweet Young Trouble). The movie-only Impulse DVD marks the first English-subtitled presentation anywhere in the world, and quality-wise it's consistent with the rest. Colors are a bit faded and drab at times, but the elements are pretty clean after the opening credits. The German disc was non-anamorphic and featured a somewhat more intense, oversatured appearance, so it's interesting to see the variation here. The German mono audio sounds fine considering the source, and the optional English subtitles are, as always, extremely entertaining.

Reviewed on February 28, 2015