Color, 1972, 88 mins. Directed by Bob (Benjamin) Clark
Starring Alan Ormsby, Valerie Munches, Jeffrey Gillen, Anya Ormsby, Paul Cronin, Jane Daly / Written by Bob Clark & Alan Ormsby / Music by Carl Zittrer / Cinematography by Jack McGowan
Format: DVD - VCI (MSRP $24.95)
Letterboxed (1.85) / Dolby Digital Mono
Alan (producer Alan Ormsby, later responsible for writing the ill-advised remake of Cat People), an egomaniac theatrical director, escorts several struggling hired actors (his "children") to a remote island where they can perform a satanic ritual. It all turns out to be one big, sick lark involving some tasteless practical jokes in which they dig up a corpse (nicknamed "Orville") and read spells which will supposedly bring him back to life. The omnisexual Alan also arranges for his two flamboyantly gay pals to run around in cheap costumes and scare the folks for no apparent reason other than his own twisted private amusement. Unfortunately, as it turns out, the black magic spells really do work. The corpses begin to rise in a particularly foul mood, and Alan finds his callous witticisms useless in the face of the clutching, rotting hands of the undead.
In essence Children operates like an E.C. Comics tale stretched out to feature length, with thoroughly obnoxious, vile characters who all get their just desserts. Whether Ormsby intended his portrayal to be utterly grating or simply gave a bad performance, the character of Alan is the true villain of the film and stoops to a low during the final scene that even makes the zombies pause for a second (a great moment!). Despite its flaws, Children features a terrific concluding half hour in which the horror finally takes over completely. Clark generates a truly chilling atmosphere throughout, but once the dead start to walk, things get very, very creepy.
This restored edition of Children originally appeared on laserdisc from Phantom Video, a fledgling company who unfortunately had to discontinue its pressing immediately due to an unforeseen rights issue. VCI has used the same materials here, and the transfer looks somewhat cleaner. The film will never look pristine due to its impoverished budget and deliberately hazy look, but this easily blows away the horrible MPI video and washed out TV prints that have been floating around for years. For fans of the film, it won't get much better than this. While both editions contained the (very long) original trailer, the DVD goes one better by also including a gallery of lobby cards and promotional art. The only real debit is the bland packaging; hopefully VCI will realize that nasty brown and yellow cover artwork on all of their titles is not the way to sell movies.
Horror fans just can't seem to agree on this one. A textbook example of a cult movie designed for fans, Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things consistently divides its audience between those who respond to its morbid humor and low budget creepiness or just simply find it cheap and irritating. Set entirely during one night on a remote island, this tongue in cheek horror opus from Bob Clark (Black Christmas, Deathdream) is admittedly very difficult to warm up to if you're not in the mood; for best results, try watching it after midnight with plenty of beer and popcorn on hand, preferably in the company of other people looking for a few lowbrow chuckles and scares.
